Amidst the chaos of family holidays, it is still absolutely possible for you as a mother to have a happy and rested break. One seasoned mother – now grandmother- shares her practical wisdom.
Having and holding your peace during family holidays
I have a vivid memory of packing our car to go on a weekend away with our infant firstborn. The car and roof rack were jammed full with all the baby stuff first time parents think they can’t survive without – bassinet, pram, baby bath, nappy change equipment, medical supplies, sterilizing solutions and changes and changes of baby clothes! With a sense of foreboding, I remember asking my husband, “Am I ever going to have a real holiday again?!”
And it’s a fair question – do mums have holidays? When kids still need to be fed, dressed, washed and occupied, can holidays really be a time of rest and refreshment, or is it par for the course that we quietly count the days until the kids start back to school or, God forbid, yearn for the day we head back to work?!!! I recall one winter holiday when all the kids were sick. We had travelled miles to our squishy apartment and spent the week holed up with every child sick, and my husband and I tag teaming to get outside for some fresh air. And I know, dear reader, that you all have your own horror holiday stories to tell!!
I don’t think anyone would disagree that mums deserve holidays. In fact, we are just as entitled to a holiday as any other member of the family. Whether you go away or stay at home, I firmly believe that mums can have holidays. Here are a few tips from a seasoned mum, and now grandmother, to help you have a happy and holy holiday this holiday season.
1. Having realistic expectations
There’s really no point in hankering after what used to be. Prior to the arrival of our firstborn, holidays involved long sleep-ins, leisurely strolls, romantic dinners, hours of reading and basically doing exactly what we wanted to do, exactly when we wanted to do it! Wow, that feels like a lifetime ago!!
As mums, it’s important that we accept the season of mothering that we are in, embrace it, and work within its confines. Having just completed 26 years of having a child at school, my season of mothering is encapsulated in the following words- rotating doors. Kids are leaving home, returning home, bringing with them their spouses and children of their own. They bring their friends, stay for a while and leave again. The door of my heart is ever expanding to know, love and welcome this growing and changing family of ours.
With lots going on all the time, it’s a challenge to maintain a balance between planning and going with the flow. The lack of structure during holidays is unsettling, and it’s hard for me to adjust quickly. So, planning, loosely held, is what I am called to.
2. Keeping things simple
I’ve got a confession to make. Each year, as December begins, so begins my fear. Quite simply, my fear is FOOD. Yes, I fear food, the buying of food, the storing of food, the cooking of food, the eating of food, and the cleaning up after the food has been eaten. One year, in protest, I quietly plotted going on a hunger strike. It fizzled by lunchtime!
Wouldn’t a holiday feel more like a holiday if we didn’t have to eat?! Imagine that! The hours and hours of shopping, cooking, table setting and cleaning, not to mention the mental space and energy food takes with endless lists and midnight meal planning, could be restored to me for my leisure!
My grown-up daughters and I have grown quite expert at calling out each other for being ‘extra’. Daughter to mother: “Mum, do you really need to clean out the laundry cupboard the day before Christmas?” Mother to daughter: “Daughter, do you really need to pit olives by hand when you can buy jars of pitted ones?”
You get the picture- too much, too far, too complex! My family needs me to be peaceful and attentive during holidays rather than stressed by my own too high expectations of myself and others.
3. Do something creative
Inherently, women are creators, we bring forth life! I feel most fully alive when my creative side is being engaged. Have a little creative project on the go. Something you can pick up and put down pretty easily but something that excites you and gets your creative energy flowing! Personally, I love to sew clothes and gifts and I usually have some knitting on the boil too. These days my creative side has been engaged by blog writing! Choose something simple that isn’t destined for failure before you begin! The internet is a wonderful source of ideas, inspirations, and how tos!
4. Have a change of scenery
As they say, “A change is as good as a holiday!’ Even If you are in the trenches of motherhood, have littlies, and can’t get away, making a few changes to the scenery can make things more holidayish. Go to a different park, walk a new walking path, try a new cafe, have a picnic in the backyard. Go for a drive. Get out of the house and into the fresh air in whatever way you can. A few hours at the beach can really blow away the cobwebs!
5. Spoil yourself
Take the time each day to treat your body with some pampering! Just choose one small act of self care and take a few moments to enjoy it. Rub in some moisturizer. Use a face scrub. Paint your nails. Take some time over a new herbal tea. Commit to a five minute workout. Your body will thank you for it!
6. Have a support person
Whether it’s your husband, a friend, a parent, or another responsible adult who cares about you, have someone to confide in, with whom you can share your hopes for the holidays, and can help you achieve them. When we get away to the beach as a family, my wonderful husband bans me from the kitchen, and he and the kids take it in turns to prepare meals and clean up afterwards. I accept, rather grudgingly, each time!
7. Above all, make some time to be still
Over many years, I have learned the hard way that relying on my own strength during holidays just doesn’t cut it. Despite best efforts, meticulous planning, and heroic virtue, without Jesus at the centre, real rest evades me.
This Christmas, I have committed to a time of early morning prayer sitting in front of our nativity scene. I have been really struck by the utter stillness of Mary (“She is a figurine!” you might point out, “Of course she is still!!” Thank you). I try to put myself in Mary’s place, in the clutter and choas, in the circumstances and environment she didn’t choose. I imagine the noise, the smells, the onlookers, and the animals that crowd her. And yet, Mary’s gaze is fixed on Jesus. Her entire posture is oriented towards Him, and it’s from Him that she receives her serenity.
“Come to me and I will give you rest,” He promises. Ask God to show you how to go to Him this holiday period. And fear not, He will give you rest.
Annie Lawrence is a wife, mother, grandmother, and member of the Fraternity of the Heart of Jesus in the Emmanuel Community. She passionately loves God, her family, gorgeous fabrics, Belgian chocolates, and writing. She runs the Momnipotent program for Catholic mothers and speaks in schools on the topic of real beauty.
One Response
Riding a donkey just before you giving birth is unimaginable!
Strength and courage- utter faith
The whole scene incredible !