Mothers and homemakers each have their unique set of gifts and God-given personality. While the temptation may be to view the ideal of homemaking to be a particular way, God calls us to live in the truth of who He created us to be as women. Read one woman’s account of her journey to womanhood.
The tradie lady
Yesterday, I discussed in depth the use of a Damp Stop on our damp concrete floor. The female owner of Tumut Tiles and I mused over whether a primer would be necessary, or whether the product contained a membrane and a primer already. We then talked about the thickness of the screed that would be required on top of the Damp Stop product. My husband wandered off to inspect the gorgeous selection of tiles…
Later, I spoke with Brian the Tiler to confirm a time for him to do the job. Afterwards, I whipper snipped and mowed the back lawn. In the afternoon, James and I cut marine carpet and staple gunned it to the plywood floor in the back of his van. In the evening, I applied a second coat to the bedside table that I had sanded. James cooked dinner and encouraged my work!
Nowadays, I am deeply comfortable with my preference for “boy jobs.” In between teaching grammar and essay writing, I do painting jobs for a builder friend of ours. I arrive at jobs with trestles, drop sheets, brushes, rollers, sanders, and paints and quietly transform architraves and drywall plasterboard. I have become adept at patching holes with Builder’s bog – jolly handy stuff – and sanding a mitred window corner mirror smooth.
In doing this humble work, I have found that frequently the Lord has asked me to be available, as I paint, to the woman of the house – to listen to her, console her, encourage her, and sometimes even hear about her lost faith, and I pray, and pray, and pray.
Confusion about my womanhood
I wasn’t always comfortable with myself. My dad recognised my practical capacity and ability to use power tools and trained me in all sorts of “boy jobs” – de-nailing timber, sawing, hammering, sanding, painting, using a jigsaw, power drill, and an angle grinder. When I was learning to do these jobs, most of my “friends” were painting their nails, learning to braid hair, bake cakes, sew skirts, and apply make up. The fact that I preferred the “boy jobs” created a tension in me that for many years I struggled to resolve.
Many times I felt like “the wrong kind of girl.” I did not want to learn the traditional girl skills, and that confused me. I wish I had learned to sew now – but not then! I did not love frilly skirts, puff shoulders (hey, it was the 80s), nor did I like braided hair and dangly earrings. I was uncomfortable in my girl skin, so preferred to remain in the background and not draw attention to myself by wearing flattering, tight-fitting girly clothing.
My husband is very pleased that I did not draw attention to myself!
Marriage has taken me on a journey to wife-hood, womanhood, and motherhood that I am deeply grateful for. When my sister and her husband returned from ten years in the UK, Mark, my brother-in-law, looked at me and exclaimed, “Sarsy, you have four kids!? You have four kids!!!” In the years before I met and married James, the notion of me having children felt very remote.
The weaving of womanhood
Over the years, through my husband’s love, I have learned to weave together the particular and diverse aspects of my womanhood with the Lord’s grace. And I have had other God-fearing women come into my life who resemble aspects of me. Kate (a cake baking mother of eight) and her son built a large shed in their backyard. My friend, Miriam, (who sang in the opera houses of Europe) loves nothing more than sanding back an old piece of furniture. Felicity (a modern day Drover’s wife) mows and weeds and holds a baby on her hip at the same time. These relationships have been deeply healing for me.
The blessing of these good women is the revelation that our journey of womanhood lies in discovering the woman that the Lord calls me to be; and in that, recovering the “lost” components of my feminine soul, entwining them with my particular God-given gifts to become more ME!
The wonderful, quirky, holy, super intelligent, tough-as-nails Edith Stein said:
“The world doesn’t need what women have, it needs what women are.”
Edith Stein occupied an unusual role in pre-war Europe. She was a Jewish convert (capable of reading The Interior Castle in one sitting), a philosopher and teacher, and chose the Carmelites to fulfil her feminine call in the world. Her reflections on the nature and role of women have helped me rejoice in being a woman, and not to be afraid that I am not interested in icing birthday cakes, sewing bunting, nor being a charcuterie board expert!
When I began to learn that what the Lord asked of me was not to fulfil a particular ideal of womanhood, but to be His daughter, it set me free from fear that there was something wrong with me.
Whatever gifts I have can become creative outlets of life giving delight. I know many women with wonderful gifts of food, of needlework, and dressmaking, but who have no idea of finances. I know others who have gifts of nurture, but whose houses are in constant disarray. I know women who have a gift of contemplative prayer and give sage advice, but cannot sort themselves to get anywhere on time. There are women whose children and homes run like a Swiss watch, but who are not readily known. There are women I know whose maternal heart is capacious and warm, but who have never given birth to a child of their own. Another friend has art therapy gifts which unwind the broken hearts of children whilst her own heart remains broken.
The Lord asked me not to fulfil a particular ideal of womanhood, but to be His daughter.
The call to give courage
I am broken; we are all broken, and yet, we each have particular expressions of the feminine soul which bring life to ourselves and to others. When I have finished painting a bathroom, I stand back and admire its perfection. I know the layers of work that lie beneath the pristine paintwork. I also know something of the heart of the woman of the house, and I thank God for the opportunity that being a “tradie lady” gives me to meet them.
Jordan Peterson says that what being a psychologist taught him more than anything is that people are crying out for a word of encouragement. My gifts with tools have taken me into people’s homes and once in them, I can en-courage them – I can give courage! What an awesome job!
I have grown deeply in peace with the woman that I am, but it came through a journey of blood, sweat, and tears. Recently someone received an image for me of the sixth station, of Veronica holding the cloth to the face of Jesus. In pondering it, I came to appreciate that there have been many Veronicas in my life, and I am a Veronica to others. I can hold their suffering a while and wipe away their tears and bring courage for the journey.
This is the vocation of all women. Whether I am using a power drill or a thermomix, if my heart’s orientation is towards my Saviour, then my womanhood can unfold and become glorious. In my heart’s unfolding, the creative power of the Lord is expressed and His mercy can be made known throughout my little world.
Note: My brand of choice is DeWalt.
Sarah is Editor of Litany of the Home. She lives with her husband in Wagga Wagga where they both teach. Through homeschooling her now four grown up children, she developed a love of writing and correct grammar use. Sarah has been writing and speaking about faith, friendship, and being female for well over a decade. She and her husband, James, are members of the Fraternity of the Heart of Jesus in the Emmanuel Community.
4 Responses
Thank you Sarah. I can’t explain how much I relate to this. For many years I felt less than in regards to my womanhood and my motherhood because I didn’t fit into the mould. I bought into this lie for too long. God created me and my skills and my aptitudes for certain things. As a mechanic I have been in places where I have had opportunities to offer God’s love, where there seems to be none. And I know that a boy is alive today because I was in the place I was meant to be.
What a beautiful testimony! Thank you for sharing and thank you for your kind comment. We appreciate your support.
Thank you for your feedback and kind comment. Wonderful to hear you are leaning into your God-given gifts!