Watching me play with our toddler granddaughter recently, my 17 year-old earnestly asked, “Mum, do you love Clementine more than you loved us?”
I paused and earnestly answered, “Yes, I think I do!”
I know this sounds shocking, but please don’t judge until you become a grandparent yourself! This new phase of grandparenthood has really taken me by surprise. Two granddaughters now, and the hope of more on the way, my heart has undergone emotions and contortions I’d never dreamt of! Is it that I have less pressure and more time to enjoy them than when I had my own brood? I simply don’t know, but these little ones are pure delight! So, once again, I’m back burping babies, my fridge is covered with paintings, I’m whizzing down slides at the park, and brushing up on nursery rhymes. It’s such a wonderful and blessed new phase!
Thirty years of phases in motherhood
Looking back on my 30 years of motherhood now, I can see that it is entirely made up of phases. Some were short, some long; some joyful and some that literally brought us to our knees. We are coming to the end of the school phase with our youngest finishing up at the end of this year. This will end a period of having children at school continuously for 25 years! We went through a homeschool phase. There was a phase of living overseas and a phase of living interstate. We went through a home renovation phase (that felt very long!). We’ve walked with various children at various times who have gone through their own phases. And we have also endured phases of family crisis and grief when we could see no light at the end of the tunnel.
Mary and her phases
I’m a person who resists change. It’s a struggle to embrace new phases as they unceasingly present themselves. This is a bit pathetic really, given the overall comfort and security of my life. I do, however, find it helpful to recall the life of Mary and the many phases through which she lived. In my mind they are categorised like this:
Girlhood phase: an idyllic childhood with Anne and Joachim.
Crazy phase: visits by angels, becoming the Mother of God, giving birth in a cave, fleeing Nazareth to live in Egypt, and then back again (yeah, I think crazy phase is aptly named).
Hidden phase: homemaking with Joseph and Jesus.
Heart break phase: watching her son be rejected and finally crucified.
And finally, the Queen phase: triumphant Resurrection of her Son, becoming Mother of the world and Queen of Heaven, and living eternally with God.
And what was Mary’s reaction to all these unexpected challenges and crises? She pondered! She didn’t run away; she didn’t resist; she didn’t chuck a tantrum – she pondered.
He who is constant
My attempt to emulate this somewhat mysterious pondering happens in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I gaze at Him who is not a passing phase, but He who is, He who was, and He who always will be. To Him, I entrust all the crazy phases of my life, knowing that they will pass and are only but a brief prelude to my life with Him for eternity, forever – one long continuous new life of bliss! And I sit and sit and sit, gazing with faith, hope, and longing – entirely… unphased.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and for ever.” Hebrews 13:8.
Annie Lawrence is a wife, mother, grandmother, and member of the Fraternity of the Heart of Jesus in the Emmanuel Community. She passionately loves God, her family, gorgeous fabrics, Belgian chocolates, and writing. She runs the Momnipotent program for Catholic mothers and speaks in schools on the topic of real beauty.
One Response
Thanks Annie. A good reminder for us to treasure the joyful moments and not sweat too much about the difficult ones!
“For everything a season.”