In this blog post, when speaking about ‘prayer time’ as a mother, it is referring to the act of stopping completely for a time to do nothing but connect with God, rather than the act of offering up one’s work and activities as prayer.
Difficulty in prayer as a mother
The Scriptures are filled with exhortations to pray. “Pray constantly” (1 Thes 5:17). “Let everyone who is godly offer prayer” (Ps 32:6). “You will make your prayer to him, and he will hear you” (Job 22:27). We know the importance of prayer, yet some of us find it so hard to make regular prayer time as a mother.
We are faced with so many difficulties that can leave us feeling like we cannot pray well. Constant hormone changes, exhaustion, mental health issues, brain fog – these experiences may affect our ability to pray satisfactorily. For some of us, this can cause us to avoid time in prayer altogether. For others, it’s lack confidence in the ability to pray well that leads to avoidance.
Whatever the problem that may be hindering us, we can be encouraged. It is absolutely possible to experience the infinite riches of a daily prayer life.
Progress, not perfection
Though I grew up praying the family Rosary, having a committed personal time of prayer was always a struggle for me. As a young adult and young mother, I was always waiting for the circumstances to be just right in order to exercise mental prayer: ideal emotional mood, quiet environment, no other tasks weighing on my mind, full concentration. In addition to these unrealistic provisos, I did not think I was good at mental prayer. This led me to feel utterly inadequate, and in turn, avoid it.
All of that changed when I was challenged by my brothers and sisters in faith to spend time in prayer everyday. I knew I wanted it. I knew I needed it! And I knew God was asking this of me. But how could inconsistent, busy, inattentive (oh, so inattentive) me become a person of daily prayer?
Slowly, by the grace of God, a shift in my thinking took place, and I was able to let go of the misconceptions that I held surrounding mental prayer: misconceptions that had blocked me from deepening my relationship with the Lord. I adopted the adage: progress, not perfection.
Personal prayer time as a mother became more consistent for me when I began exercising self-kindness and accepted the imperfections. I quit berating myself for being highly distracted. I tried to stop entertaining feelings of frustration if I was interrupted by my children. If my prayer time was cut short by a pressing duty, I learnt to accept it. My loving presence before the Lord was enough for Him.
Personal prayer time as a mother became more consistent for me when I began exercising self-kindness and accepted the imperfections.
Quantity of prayer time over quality
We’ve heard the saying: quality over quantity. This might apply well when creating a capsule wardrobe that holds fewer clothing items that are better quality. But in regards to our prayer life, the opposite is true. In terms of prayer, think: quantity over quality.
Mental prayer is ultimately the practice of loving God and being loved by God. And Our Lord prefers that we spend time in this exchange of love with him regularly and faithfully – even if on the surface it appears to have been exercised inadequately – rather than every now and then when our fervour is high. In his book, Time for God, Fr. Jacques Philippe explains:
Time spent faithfully every day in mental prayer that is poor, arid, distracted, and relatively short is worth more, and will be infinitely more fruitful for our progress, than long, ardent spells of mental prayer from time to time, when circumstances make it easy.
Speaking as a person with perfectionistic tendencies, nothing brings me more comfort than these words. God doesn’t rate my level of performance in prayer. He doesn’t measure my quality of concentration in relation to my last prayer session. He certainly doesn’t mind whether my prayer is ornamented with profound thoughts and emotions. God is merely seeking my time. What a consolation it is that we can come to the Lord, in our poverty, and give him the greatest gift that everyone equally possesses – time.
Fidelity to prayer
So, it matters not whether our prayer is a profound experience (though it is wonderful to experience moments of beautiful prayer). What matters is our commitment, day in and day out, to showing up to our time of prayer with God. Therefore, the first priority for anyone who is establishing a life of prayer is fidelity.
As is true for marital relationships, one cannot love where it is convenient, because, as Pope Francis affirms, “No human relationship is authentic without fidelity and loyalty.” To be faithful is to love.
“How could we claim to love God if we failed to keep our appointments we make with him for mental prayer?"
God has no expectations
Whether we suffer from constant mental distractions, or feel that we are not “good” at mental prayer; whether we feel wretched, or abandoned by God: We are not to be discouraged! God does not judge nor condemn what appears on the surface to be a feeble effort in praying. Instead, he lovingly understands our difficulties and uses it for his purpose. St. Therese of Lisieux often reminded those around her, “Love draws profit from everything, good and bad alike.”
Have you ever contemplated the fact that it is us, not God, that holds expectations of what prayer should be like? God has no expectations of us in prayer, but simply desires our company. St. Teresa of Avila reminds us, “In prayer, what counts is not to think a lot but to love a lot.” How pleased he is when we come to him in our poverty, offering the little that we have in peaceful surrender. He is there waiting for us long before we have placed ourselves in his company.
As busy, active mothers, we need not worry that our prayer time with God is inadequate, dry, or short. The Lord calls us to be faithful and persevering, not perfect. He delights in our self-gift – that is, the gift of our time. We can come to him with beautiful, eloquent prayers of the heart, or we can come as passive participants, surrendering the little that we have to him. Either way, we are consoling the heart of Jesus. And what a consolation it is to us knowing that in our time of prayer, the Lord does not require anything from us other than to rest in his presence.
“Our hearts were made for You, O Lord, and they are restless until they rest in you.” Saint Augustine.
Stephanie Philippou, co-founder of Litany of the Home, is a Catholic wife and mother of eight in Melbourne. She has a heart for instilling liturgical living in her home, loves ordered spaces and often laughs at her own jokes.
7 Responses
This is beautiful Steph, very encouraging ❤️
Thank you Kelly for your comment 🙏
LOVE this post. Very inspiring and helpful. Thank you for sharing 💞
Thank you for your inspirational words.
Thank you for sharing….Encouraging one another is the most beautiful way to promote joy and peace to us Mothers and our beloved children. God always reaching to us with his mercy.
“God govern the world but Prayer govern God”
Lord have Mercy on us mothers
Thank you for your encouragement.